When Life Gives You Lemons
A bowl with five lemons
“What can I do with all those?”
I was standing in the kitchen, in front of a bowl with 5 lemons. No, this is not a recipe post.
“Well, the thing with lemons is,” I thought, “it’s always nice to have one to add to a nice roast chicken, or to sprinkle some over steamed beans, or add some to my warm morning water or black tea — but somehow I never buy lemons”.
And so, I took one of the bright yellow waxy feeling things and cut it into slices to add to a jug of water.
“When life gives you lemons,” I jokingly thought …
You’ve heard it, right? The whole “when life gives you lemons” idea?
To be honest, I find it a little dismissive of an innocent piece of fruit – just like when people say that something went “pear-shaped”. I don’t know what it is, but this one always makes me cringe and think, “what did the pear ever do to you?”
But for now, let’s go back to lemons.
In fact, let’s look at where my 5 lemons came from.
The housewarming party
“Do you want some lemons?”, my friend asked me at her housewarming party.
“Sure!”, I exclaimed unsurely. Really, I have a strange relationship with lemons. On the one hand I want to add it to everything, on the other, when I do buy a lemon or two, I end up using only one wedge and the rest goes all crinkly and I don’t use it all up.
Now, you have to know that the city I live in (Canberra, the capital of Australia) seems to have the perfect climate for lemons because you find lemon trees in most front yards, back yards, side yards and general yards. Everyone seems to have a lemon tree or two or three and I always wonder, “WHY???”
I mean – what do you do with all of those?
But it is always exciting to go to a friend’s place and be given random little goodies from their garden. This ranges from fresh herbs to veggies and fruit, to lemons.
And so, I scrambled between the branches covered in dark green leaves and hand-picked five lemons that looked good to me. The picking of the lemons was fun – it’s a little adventure when you get to harvest something.
Life gives you lemons because
And so, you find me back in my kitchen with a bowl of five lemons. Well, now it is four because I sliced one up for my water.
And after I jokingly thought, “When life gives you lemons …”, it hit me.
Stop planting lemon trees!
I am serious (jokingly).
But really.
Do you know those days when everything goes wrong?
Do you know those people who always see the worst in other people?
Do you know people who see something negative in everything?
Do you ever feel like life is giving you too many lemons sometimes?
Do you know those moments when you have a negative thought and then a (if not that very same) negative thing happens and you think to yourself, “I knew it!”.
Well, what if sometimes life simply gives you lemons because you planted a lemon tree?
Radical responsibility
What we often entirely underestimate is the power that our thoughts have. And I am not talking magic here, or woo-woo, because it is not.
Everything human has created was a thought first – or an accident.
The way you live your life right now is in many aspects a result of thoughts you have had and of actions you have or haven’t taken based on those thoughts.
This starts with simple things like the university you studied at, the city you moved to/stayed in, the relationship you are in, and so on and so forth. The pillows on your couch!
Life is like a rainbow. Every rainbow is different, but not only that. Every person sees a different rainbow, depending on where they are standing. The rainbow is just a re-direction of light rays inside raindrops.
The same goes for everything in life.
Depending on where you stand and depending on your experiences, thougths and emotions, you look at occurrences and people differently than other people.
You might find a person absolutely annoying while your good friend likes them.
You might find a certain painting at a museum gorgeous while your sibling finds it uninspiring.
You will feel positive emotions about the painting, you even might feel pleasant sensations in your body. But your sibling feels bored and is thinking about what’s for lunch.
The best thing about this game is that you get to choose what you think. Sometimes it is hard work, sometimes it requires creativity to see the silver lining in things that seem un-serving.
And the most crucial thing about this game is that you (and I!) learn to also take radical responsibility for what we experience in life. (Of course, that doesn’t apply to absolutely everything that life has to offer or all suffering that people experience. I trust that you can make a distinction here.)
Look at how you are creating your reality.
In a ‘good’ sense and in a ‘bad’ sense. Here lies another truth – nothing is inherently good or bad, positive or negative. Again it is our thoughts and reactions to it that make it so. But first and foremost, it only is.
So, take a situation in your life – even one that you feel unhappy about. Say, your relationship, your job, your apartment, whatever.
And gently (!) think about or play with how you contributed to this and how you co-created this? Consciously or subconsciously.
You can do this playfully.
No need to be hard on yourself – but be honest and look at it. Nothing ugly to see there.
How did you plant your lemon tree? How did you water it? How did you prune it?
Begin to take radical responsibility.
Begin to own what you call “your own mistakes”.
I don’t really believe in mistakes so I want to encourage you to see them not as mistakes but as ways that you knew best to do something at the time.
After all, it’s just a lemon tree.
Taking responsibility is not about placing the fault for anything on yourself. It is not about guilt. It is about being honest with yourself and aware and awake to your own reality.
Within the causal realm, there is always an action that came before a result.
There came thoughts, decisions and actions (let’s see in-action as a form of action here) before your status quo, the situation you are in right now. No matter how that looks.
The reality is that once you see that some of – if not all – the lemons you harvested in life existed because of a lemon tree you planted way before, you get full power over your own life.
Radical responsibility leads to ownership, to survivor skills, to victor-mindset (as opposed to victim mentality), to awareness, to choice, to the ability to make conscious decisions (“do I want to change this” OR “do I consciously choose to not change it?”), to freedom, to agency and empowerment.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
And if you want life to stop giving you lemons, start planting another tree.
Plant a different tree
Your thoughts co-create your world. Your words co-create your world.
You can speak your world into existence.
What do you want your existence and your life to look like?
What kind of tree do you want to plant?
Begin to sow the seeds now. Water them. Take care of them. No need to be perfectionistic about this – it’s not an exercise in who plants the best, tallest or prettiest tree.
This is your life. Your tree. What can you do today to get started?
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
— Chinese proverb
If all these lemon trees in Canberra were the same tree as the one in the back yard of another friend of mine – a nectarine tree – I’d be offered nectarines all the time. I like nectarines. I know what to do with them. I love them. They make life sweeter and less sour.
What tree do you want to plant in your garden?
PS. Whenever you’re ready…
If you want to get clearer on your purpose, learn to love yourself, find the courage to step into your vision and make a difference in the world – let’s have a powerful non-binding conversation! I know you are here for a reason and I’d love to support you further. My support looks like this: You talk. You tell me about your dreams and your struggles. I listen. We play. Your life changes.
I’ve seen it time and time again. I’m ready when you are.
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